Ah, this January’s grandmother full moon has begged this mythic story between Mother and Daughter to come forth. The first two mythic stories involved a Father and Son, the second a Father and Daughter. I had petitioned my dear protégé, Sweet One, several times inquiring if she held the next generational mythic story. She dodged the invite.
Meanwhile through my dream scape, I was shown a young maiden, leaning into an elder, cloaked woman. They were standing on the threshold, the front door wide open. They were looking out to the Southeast. As they scanned the horizon, I looked deeper into the young lady’s face and it was sculpted with life lines, especially the crow’s feet around her eyes. I heard “She is old while young.”
When I awoke from the dream, I was left with strong feelings that this crow-feeted, deeply edged young being represented Sweet One. Earlier that week Sweet One and I had begun teaching Spiritual Healing Course/Shamanism 101. I heard her state, “I remember when we started training with Suzanne in 2000, She asked us what were the traits of a healthy mother?” Innocently speaking, Lisa expressed, “We didn’t have a clue. What a novel concept a healthy, wholism for mother.” Tears swamped her eyes and then slowly slid down her cheeks. Now, fourteen years later, she softly spoke; “I am getting Mother, healthy Mother that is”.
So begins another Mythic story of our Changing Times. Sweet One own blood mother had just visited for a week before Christmas. Since the tragic death of the son/brother and grandson, nephew seven years ago, the distance between the Mother and Daughter and their ability to have a closeness, a trusting intimacy and respect; was as wide as the Grand Canyon.
She asked her mom if she’d be willing to work on their abyss, their missed connection, by engaging in a Sustainable Communications Session with me as form holder and mediator. Once in Boise, the mother reneged, canceled the communications appointment. The week spent with Sweet One and the children, brought to the forefront the grandmother’s rants, berating’s and belittling; the grandmother’s pattern of thoughts and then words tainted with negativity, judgment.
Absent the ability to validate, appreciate or recognize the wise, talented woman, her daughter. Stuck in the deeply rutted, railings, wailing’s from inner memorized, created stories that appear as the mother’s only sense/script for reality. Her projections attempting to make her daughter wrong, unchristian, unethical; the mother does even greater harm by projecting her slant of Sweet One’s mature being, professional personhood future in the worst possible light.
Then my thoughts jump to yet another healer protégé, Deer Heart. A single mother of two teenagers and just like Sweet One, Deer Heart lost her partner and father of her children to “Suicide by Driving Drunk” five years earlier.
Over this holy season she came to a similar breaking point while engaged in a conversation with her mother. Something broke/cracked and with explosive reaction Ali had to turn away and walk away. No part of her could hear, see, feel and sense that angry, harmful, negative, mean-spirited spew from her Mother one more time.
So the Mythic story regarding Mothers and Daughters reinterpreted…one of my bandwagons, truth telling epistle is that my generation blew apart the institutional hoax, illusion of marriage. Post WWII it was all about “Keeping up with the Jones”, money, appearance, cars, status, perfect family. The 60’s – 70’s came with the multiple deaths of heroes who advocated for the underdogs, the colored, the women, the children. The Viet Nam error challenged being a loyal patriot of the wonderful USA or be labeled and berated as a traitor of our sweet land.
A woman’s place was closely defined by man, the church and education.
The hidden story of we women/mothers consciousness, at least out here in Idaho, in the most primitive Northwest US, is that many of us in our youth were poisoned by contamination from deliberate nuclear testing on we inconsequential, sacrificial guinea pigs of the US Military Club.
From my Grandmothers, to my own mother, to my numerous Aunties, to my sisters and cousins; we’ve all suffered trying, debilitating Endocrine
System collapse (thyroid, pituitary, diabetes, adrenals, reproductive malfunctions) and mysterious brain growths and diseases. The consequences of nuclear fallout mutated our glandular systems, some things never felt healthy. We, the children, grew up with ill, depressed, harmed mothers.
Because the US Government and the Military System kept it SECRET from we her people until the mid-nineties, we were cultivated to be a sick, invisible and with no caring responsibility from our Parent Government. DOWNWINDERS, that’s what we the poisoned and harmed are called. (See attached map of nuclear proliferation in the USA).
In Utah and a few other states, the government has offered meager assistance, acknowledgement and treatment. IDAHO and her huge number of poisoned downwinders are ignored and denied any access or assistance. I am here to tell you of the Downwinders Epidemic. It’s alive and quantumly growing in our children’s children, the grandchildren. It’s a sin created and cursed on us in Idaho, the nation’s abused and ignored garbage.
How does this fit in? Deer Heart’s mother suffered greatly from injuries within her brain. Deer Heart left college and returned to Burley to have her children and to caretaker her mother. Her mother has suffered greatly and while in her impaired/harmed brain state becomes childlike and broken. Deer Heart is her mother’s mother. Another old while young maiden.
Both ladies are my premiere protégés in Wholistic Healing, pioneer healers for this new generation. As in days gone by in the ways of apprenticeship, they have become as family, heart family. I’ve been present at the births of their children. I’ve walked beside them when death stole loved ones away. They were my loyal heart community who tenderly cared for me after my near death cataclysmic accident. Though, I would never call them my “daughters”, I do hold them oh so close to my heart.
Thus the rub in this Mother-Daughter story. I’ve learned that the blood mothers hold an uneasiness towards me and the place I hold in their daughter’s lives. I have to be oh so careful, dodging the fear arrows coming my way from them. The confusion they must feel or can recognize must touch into that sacred maternal heart bonding. That great spiritual embrace between a mother and baby, that intuitive maternal love is broken, is missing or lost between them.
Then the noticing, the witnessing that the bonding mother love is present, alive, radiating, exchanged and shared in their daughter’s life but with another mother. Well, it just has to hurt! Our tender, gently, responsive, original nature deserves to flourish, it’s one’s birth right.
Healers are kinesthetic, hyper-sentient, “empaths”. Thoughts, words expressed or compulsively dwelled upon, send a vibration, a certain frequency, resonance. If a being is broken, ill or imbalanced, they seem to lack personal responsibility, autonomy for their negative, cold, harming, projecting, manipulating thoughts, words and actions. As Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes summed up: individuals with “hearts filled with fear, eyes spewing hate and anger and unfeeling hands of control…” no more, no more. Broken people unable to love, appreciate, recognize and share the best love has to offer…mother/child deep intuitive love/bonding.
Healers read, feel, register these arrows, these missiles of harm. Healers deserve to have both a professional workplace and an ordinary home, family life. An on/off button, so to speak, but once committed to the path of good relations, the good red road; we’re on the altar of our life 24 – 7.
When historical family patterns are revisited, especially during loaded holiday seasons, does one simply collapse back into the unhealthy familiar family script?
What happens when, like the two women dedicated to being happy, whole, healthy beings and mothers, meet the negative/berating/tyrannical misuse of speech, loyalty and love relations. When it hurts more to endure one more rant, one more harmful projection, than to say NO MORE and to turn away and moving one’s self to a safe zone and breathe.
Breaking the false pattern of collusion, the family glue allowing others to be more powerful because one allows them to dump their toxicity, their brokenness onto their most beloved ones. The old game plan involved engaging in the fight, the one whose siren scream piercing, winning. The one without voice, armoring wishing to be invisible. Until that breaking moment, for the sake of one’s own dignity and core foundational arenas of integrity, a lightning bolt jolts electrifies. A strength of self-esteem, self-worth magnifies and our hands raise up and a voice declares STOP IT NO MORE.
So that lightning bolt moment, that blind left swing effect, “out of the blue” an urgency overtakes us, demands we look again, take a double take, get a reality check on this assault to our senses, our core sense of self. With a resurgence of a strength, a protector is holding us close, amplifying our ability to say NO MORE and STOP IT (even if the words are spoken internally).
This exchange is so hurtful, it’s harmful to my soul, my heart.
It is at that quantum moment, we can break the “chains” of dutiful, obligatory family rules and expectations.
Dr. Estes speaking as the wise Godmother, would say:
“Break the rules. Break the rules. With integrity.
and the ancient grandmothers can be heard whispering, “OH, maybe this is the one we’ve been waiting for. Yes, this is the one who will walk the good, true and beautiful way for the sake of all our relations. Yes, She is the ONE.
BEAUTY WAY PRAYER by Dr. Angeles Arriene, cross cultural anthropological storyteller
“Oh maybe this is the one who
Will be the one that Brings forward
The good, true and beautiful.
For all the past generations and
The generations to come.
Oh maybe this is the one
The one that will break the harmful family patterns or
Harmful cultural patterns.
Oh maybe this one will be the ONE.
WE are the ONE
We are the ONE!
“We must learn to treat ourselves with love and respect
before we are able to treat others that way.” Jean Watson, R.N.
It is at that pivotal moment of reposturing, when one refuses to bear witness, one more time, to unkind, harmful repeated false broken communication patterns. Turning, walking away leaves the perpetuator, the negative energy thrower, to themselves. So addicted to the drama, the juiciness of intensity; when left with no audience, just maybe they might become accountable for their speech, their emotional extremes (anger, sadness, rage, quilt, despair, suffering…), their actions. Alone in their frozen mind and heart sets, their own imprisonment, separated from loves bonding, they might discover they’d like to do beloved relations differently. Or not.
The ability to begin again, to start each day fresh, original with the intentions to focus on what we love, what feeds us and that which creates peace and ease; well, let’s just say that is a full time job, 24- 7. To gain a clarity and an appreciation for happy, healthy, caring, nurturing, engaged exchanges for the sake of All Our Relations of Life Light and Nature takes constant attention and focus.